Ministry of Cats


The Ministry of Cats hard at work for you! (Dinah is opperating the camera)

The Ministry of Cats (or MoC for short) is such an integral part of my Blog that I feel it actually needs an entire page dedicated to it! My four Maine Coon cats are massively important to me and my life, these cats keep me company while writing my articles and keep me motivated to continue. Two of them actually contribute articles to this here Blog themselves and do so on a semi regular basis. It is as a collective though that they offer the greatest benefit to this Blog, because together they are the Ministry of Cats, and as the Ministry of Cats they can choose to award the highest accolade this Blog can bestow on a product, that of Approved by Cats status.

A quality seal of approval

Only the very finest of products will ever receive such a prestigious award, and very few will be able to claim such an honour. This isn't an award that will not be given out lightly, or without much thought, it is meant to be a highly exclusive seal of approval. As such for any product to receive this prestigious accolade all four cats must agree on it unanimously. Therefore when a product is awarded this seal of quality you can rest assured that it is a very fine product indeed. So lets meet the felines behind the Ministry of Cats:

Macavity (Chaircat of the Ministry of Cats)

Macavity despite facing the terrible burden of being born ginger has overcome such a cruel genetic set back to rise to the role of Chaircat of the Ministry of Cats. His tenancious and determined attitude has earned him a fearsome reputation, as has his immense bulk. Macavity is as large as most family dogs and far more intelligent. He is the largest of the cats and as such he is clearly the boss, not just of the other cats, but also his human slaves. If he wants your lap he is damn well having it whether you like it or not! As Chaircat of the Ministry of Cat Approval he suffers no fools and although slow to temper, once roused his anger is quite furious and this makes him a formidable foe. He is however as 'just' and 'fair' as he is brutally honest. The smartest and most intelligent of his cohort he feels the weight of such responsibility weigh heavy on his shoulders, but he'll carry it with him to his grave if needs be. He knows that it's up to him to uphold the, honour, prestige, integrity and sanctity of the Ministry of Cats and the Approved by Cats award, because no other cat on the planet could bear such responsibility with the ease and poise that he can. To ensure his fellow cats carry out their duties with the utmost integrity and professionalism he'll maintain a very tight watching brief and if necessary micro manage them... and if they don't carry out their vitally important roles with professionalism and integrity he'll kill them! Macacity is also the author of the 'Macavity Ponders' articles, where he takes a cats eye view ot the hobby, and shares his unorthodox views of our peculiarly human pastime.

Princess Dinah Bear of Dinebearia (treasurer)

The oldest of the four cats (although she vigorously denies such scurrilous claims), but not by much, she demands respect... but gets very little. Despite being the first cat at the Ministry of cats she feels her expertise, experience and qualifications are often overlooked by the 'new recruits' as she still insists on calling the other cats. Princess Dinah Bear is clearly a bit of a primma donna, she believes herself to be some form of 'princess' although her papers made no mention of such a title, She claims that her title is Princess Dinah Bear of Dinebearia, and that the realm of Dinebearia exists... the other cats humour this eccentric behaviour, because her judgement on fine quality products is second to none. Dinah is a cat of refined taste and impeccable judgement. She knows her sparkling wine from her Champagne and scoffs at those who don't know the difference. Dinah has an uncanny knack of spotting a fake a mile off, and can often be found turning her highly tuned nose up at inferior food and cat litter. She is also more than willing to offer her opinion on all topics as she feels her talent and discerning taste is an undeniable gift to the world and that people deserve to know what she thinks, even when explicitly asked not too, she is very vocal and not easily pleased. Her air of regal majesty will be difficult to breach, and only the finest products will receive her vote for approval.

Tybalt (Head of R&D)

Tybalt often feels he is tragically misunderstood. However, he simply is the naughty cat! 'Tybs' as he's known by his friends, not that he has many as he prefer mortal enemies, is a complete arse. No two ways about it he'd much rather be feared, loathed and respected than liked as a 'huggable' cat... hugs are humiliating and degrading... unless he instigates them! He lives to cause other living organisms nothing but pain and misery, he thrives on negative energy and looks for any opportunity to bring a little more pain into the world. Apparently it makes us all stronger, but more importantly makes him laugh. He does however play a vitally important role in the awarding of a prestigious 'Approved by Cats' award... he's the cat that tests a products destructibility, and he takes this role exceedingly seriously and carries out his duties with rigorous vigour. He loves nothing more than chewing, clawing and generally destroying anything he can get his paws on. Many people say that he is actually a big 'softie' and that he puts on this bad cat image as a way of deflecting attention, because he's really a shy cat that is just afraid to be loved... but those people haven't been woken up at 3 o'clock in the morning by a 7.4Kg of powerful cat jumping on their head to chew their nose. Little shi... Tybs is a violent force of nature, hell bent on mayhem and havoc, Tybs should have been a super villain with a mask and cape... instead he's now a bloody bureaucat!!! Like Macavity Tybalt is also a contributor to this Blog, although his series of articles has a far more sinister ring to them 'Diary of a Research Cat: Study of a human hobbyist'... although Tybalt assures me this has nothing to do with me, I remain to be convinced.

Poppy (Public Relations Manager)

Poppy has been variously described as "dangerously cute" and "so adorable it makes your head explode", which I happen to think is the exact same thing as the first quote... after all I hear having ones head explode is quite dangerous. Poppy is undeniably cute though, and almost certainly mentally unstable and unhinged. She is a fan of 'Shadow of Colossus' the computer game and views humans as moving climbing frames. Her favourite perch in the house is always the tallest shoulder, earning her the nickname 'pirate cat' as she's a bit like a parrot, and probably twice as noisy. In fact considering she's the smallest of the four cats the amount of noise she generates is astounding, she really is the archetypical loud mouthed youngster. Poppy feels the need to make her mark on the world... by running head long into it and leaving a cat shaped impression. Her desire to be acknowledged means she has a bizarre relationship with authority, craving its approval, yet wanting to be 'seen' means she does things that bring her directly into conflict with authority figures, in an attempt to 'stand out'. If she should zig, she'll more than likely zag, always going against the grain by natural inclination. She'll prove a difficult cat to bring into line with the other 3. Her role is to act as the final check for a product receiving the official stamp, her natural inclination to disagree with the other three cats means that for her to fall in line with the others a product must be truly outstanding!!!

This fickle bunch of feline connoisseurs make up the the Ministry of Cat panel of experts, whose job it is to award their seal of approval to only the finiest products. For a product to receive such a high honour as the official 'Approved by Cats' seal it will require the unanimous agreement of the entire panel. Should one cat feel the product does not merit their approval then no award will be issued. This stringent approval process has been instigated to ensure that only the finest products ever receive this prestigious accolade. Peace out!